Tuesday, August 15, 2006
One-Liners
I saw a handicapped sticker on motorcycle. Seriously.
Latest idea to cash in on: maternity T-shirts that say, "It seemed like a good idea at the time."
Conor saw an oversized airbrushed T-shirt the other day (a Sunday, of course) of Jesus on the cross. The whole deal--blood, nails, crown of thorns. Why, he asked me, did they do that? Because, I answered in my best Alan Rickman voice, it would hurt.
I saw a handicapped sticker on motorcycle. Seriously.
Latest idea to cash in on: maternity T-shirts that say, "It seemed like a good idea at the time."
Conor saw an oversized airbrushed T-shirt the other day (a Sunday, of course) of Jesus on the cross. The whole deal--blood, nails, crown of thorns. Why, he asked me, did they do that? Because, I answered in my best Alan Rickman voice, it would hurt.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Commuter Chronicles
One thing about working I won't miss is the commute. Mine is relatively pain-free, because I walk to drop off Lucy and Conor and then take BART/MUNI downtown. In the past few days, I've heard some very amusing conversations. My favorite was from a young woman and man who were romantically entangled in the seat behind me. During a lull in the kissing, the idly mentions that she needs some toe cleaner. "Toe cleaner?" the young gentleman asks and she repeats it and then apparently shows him her toes. (I can't see this part, but I can hear it. I really really want to turn around, but I can't, because there's no way to do it surreptitiously.) Yup, he says, you need toe cleaner.
Part of me is wondering if there is very specialized cleaners for body parts nowadays, and another part of me assumes she means nail polish remover, but the best part is thinking of how in love they are to sit, tangled like worms, and look at her toes.
In high school I had a friend who was very much in love with a young man. She was absolutely beautiful and he, well, he was a band geek. But she was in love, and one day while he was wearing a sleeveless shirt, she tucked his armpit hair back into his shirt. At the time, I believe it was one of the most disgusting things I'd ever seen. Now I think it's one of the sweetest.
My train ride with the toe cleaning couple took longer than normal because we were stopped between stations. The BART conductor came on the speaker and said, "when the car in front of us clears, I'll be heading into the station". Yes, but where will WE be going?
One thing about working I won't miss is the commute. Mine is relatively pain-free, because I walk to drop off Lucy and Conor and then take BART/MUNI downtown. In the past few days, I've heard some very amusing conversations. My favorite was from a young woman and man who were romantically entangled in the seat behind me. During a lull in the kissing, the idly mentions that she needs some toe cleaner. "Toe cleaner?" the young gentleman asks and she repeats it and then apparently shows him her toes. (I can't see this part, but I can hear it. I really really want to turn around, but I can't, because there's no way to do it surreptitiously.) Yup, he says, you need toe cleaner.
Part of me is wondering if there is very specialized cleaners for body parts nowadays, and another part of me assumes she means nail polish remover, but the best part is thinking of how in love they are to sit, tangled like worms, and look at her toes.
In high school I had a friend who was very much in love with a young man. She was absolutely beautiful and he, well, he was a band geek. But she was in love, and one day while he was wearing a sleeveless shirt, she tucked his armpit hair back into his shirt. At the time, I believe it was one of the most disgusting things I'd ever seen. Now I think it's one of the sweetest.
My train ride with the toe cleaning couple took longer than normal because we were stopped between stations. The BART conductor came on the speaker and said, "when the car in front of us clears, I'll be heading into the station". Yes, but where will WE be going?
Friday, August 04, 2006
My parents are here for August and September, visiting the fabulous San Francisco summer fog to escape the Texas heat. I was wondering how much I could impose upon them to watch our children, I decided it would be up to them to say, 'when'. So I handed them a two page print out of all the times I knew we'd need babysitting. Welcome to San Francisco! Now get to work.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
And one last post about work. This environment is so personalized--and I'm not talking monograms. Maybe I notice it because I'm a contractor, and part-time, so I'm twice-removed, but everyone says "my project", not "the project" or "my application" and not "the application". This is an exact quote from a meeting about how to test for a certain condition:
"If you don't recognize my error codes in your database...."
Everyone in the room understands the project is all about writing a new program to account for these new codes, but all of a sudden the DBA and the project manager are in a pissing match over NOTHING. The error codes are not 'recognized' in a database, they're stored there. But we got there because every element is framed with a possessive--your database, my error codes, their email program, etc. Instead of determining what work needs to be done, we're re-enacting a really bad Crossfire episode! It's not us-versus-them, people! And everyone gets so ticked off that nothing gets defined, let alone resolved. How unproductive is that?
I need to start a consulting company to do corporate training entitled, "It's Not About You, Stupid. How To Lose the Possessives and Gain Productivity".
"If you don't recognize my error codes in your database...."
Everyone in the room understands the project is all about writing a new program to account for these new codes, but all of a sudden the DBA and the project manager are in a pissing match over NOTHING. The error codes are not 'recognized' in a database, they're stored there. But we got there because every element is framed with a possessive--your database, my error codes, their email program, etc. Instead of determining what work needs to be done, we're re-enacting a really bad Crossfire episode! It's not us-versus-them, people! And everyone gets so ticked off that nothing gets defined, let alone resolved. How unproductive is that?
I need to start a consulting company to do corporate training entitled, "It's Not About You, Stupid. How To Lose the Possessives and Gain Productivity".
